The legalization and normalization of cannabis is still an uphill battle. In states that have legalized both medicinal and recreational cannabis, companies are still choosing to disqualify those who partake. Just because a state has chosen to legalize the plant does not mean that the companies therein have to condone cannabis use or accept employees who engage, making it difficult for patients and rec users to find or keep jobs and perpetuating the stigma of the \u201clazy stoner.\u201d\n\nBecause of this there are many who have to make a choice between giving up a medication that has been helping with anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, arthritis, diabetes, gastrointestinal issues, glaucoma and many others\u2014and keeping their job. For those who refuse to make that decision, finding alternative ways to pass the company drug test is the only option.\n\nWe went ahead and asked some of our co-workers and friends (who shall remain nameless) their experiences with attempting to pass a drug test and here are some of the most entertaining responses we got and the lessons we can learn:\n"I asked friends that smoke weed and have jobs what they did. I was directed to a store called 7th Heaven because they are the only source to get a drink mix that'll clean your system. The mix was clear, and goopy. It reminded me of the ooze in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle films. The instructions said to take the goopy liquid alone and drink one gallon of water. I gulped it down and I\u2019ve never tasted something so gross that doesn't taste like anything. It took like five minutes to swallow because it went down EXTREMELY slow.\n\u00a0To this day I regret going through all that trouble and still didn't get the job. They saw cannabis in my system. Upon getting the news I asked if I could reapply after a period of time. They said no, that door was closed." - Anon\n\nTEST YOURSELF\nRather than stress over if you are going to pass this drug test or how you are going to get clean before the test, test yourself. Urine tests may detect marijuana 1-5 days after occasional use, 1-3 weeks in regular users and 4-6 weeks in multiple daily users. If you only medicate occasionally, there is a chance that you have nothing to worry about. If you medicate regularly and are positive you will need a cleanse, buying a testing kit for use once you have completed your cleansing regimen is still a good idea. You can test positive for marijuana anywhere from a few weeks up to a couple months after use. Better safe than sorry.\n\n____\n"Here's what I did. I got a pair of briefs, and a condom. I gave my young nephew a treat to pee in it for me. Tied the top of the condom, stuffed it in my undies in a warm and cozy place so that it could warm to my body temp, and when I go to test I pee in the toilet to replicate the sound of a urine stream, but I pour the urine from the condom into the cup. Easy, passed the test with flying colors." - Anon\n\nSYNTHETIC URINE\nThis is a story that we have heard time and time again. Bribing your kid brother or nephew for clean pee-pee is one way to go, but luckily there are some innovative thinkers in the always progressing cannabis industry and they have capitalized on the need for uncontaminated urine. Synthetic urine products are now available at many smoke and sex shops as well as for sale online. It generally comes in pre-mixed solutions or dried powders and if you are of the male sort, some even come with fake penises AKA \u201curinators\u201d with back straps. The company that makes the Whizzinator* even has penises with all colors in mind, ranging from \u201cwhite\u201d to \u201clatino\u201d to \u201cblack.\u201d Although, admittedly the colors are a bit odd and off, it\u2019s the thought that counts. They also come with heating pads so that the urine is at body temperature when the lab tests for the temperature.\n\n____\n"When I was 20 years old I landed a job at Alaska Airlines! I was stoked! It was pre 9\/11 and so there were great travel perks, pretty much you could fly standby on any of their flights on your days off.\u00a0 So I could be smoking pot in the park in Vancouver BC, visiting Shamu in San Diego, watching the Northern Lights in Alaska or laying on the beach in Mexico on my days off?\nFuck yeah!!!\nWait, one little thing before I go to training, I need to just pee in a cup in two days. Drug test?\u00a0 Ok, no problem. Err, wait big huge problem!!!\u00a0 At that time I smoked pot all of the time!!!\u00a0 I asked my homies what to do.\u00a0 Someone suggested downing a bunch of Niacin and drinking lots of water.\u00a0 What the fuck is Niacin? \u201cIt's in the Vitamin section at Rite-Aid, just get it. Trust me.\u201d Ok.\u00a0 \nSo I buy a bottle of Niacin and a gallon of water on my way to work at the Pavilion Ticket office (now Taco Bell Arena). I'm selling concert tickets, I tell my boss that I've been feeling really dehydrated (that's why I have a big ass gallon jug of water) and decide to take a big handful of Niacin to get the marijuana flush started.\nAll is normal, then I start feeling hot. Is it hot in here? Really hot in here. I start sweating. It's pouring down my face. I don't sweat. A co-worker looks at me and is like "Whoa! You're bright red!!!!"\u00a0 I look at my arms and they're bright red. I'm bright red! I feel like I'm on fire! I collapse to the floor. My boss asks if she should call 911. "No!!!"\u00a0 I scream. I told her that I thought that it was just the dehydration. So I lay down in her office chugging water and after some time my skin and body temperature go back to normal. She sends me home.\u00a0 \n\u00a0Yes. I passed my drug test." -Anon\n\nSAFETY\nThis is a great example of what NOT to do. We heard so many wives tales about how to pass a drug test. Many of them unsafe and not healthy. Do not take your older brother, auntie, or friend\u2019s word for it, do not drink that cap of bleach and do not add soap to the sample. All bad ideas. Ask a professional. Luckily, this day and age there are very knowledgeable budtenders and medical professionals who will happily answer your questions (if you live in a state where it is legal). If you don\u2019t live in a state where you can ask a professional and cannot afford to or want to risk synthetic urine or any of the other products on the market, a cleanse is your best bet.\n\n___\n"My method to success has always been a few things:\n\u00a0Time - You have to have at least two weeks, people will say they've passed in less time but that\u2019s highly unlikely. I barely carry any body fat and stay very active, or did at least lol. I have heard of people successfully using "detox" drinks and passing in a week. Those things actually work by holding in whatever THC you have in your system. \n\u00a0Water, exercise, antioxidants and a ton of water are crucial to flushing the system throughout the entire time your cleansing. A large amount of unsweetened cranberry juice should be drank the first week along with heavy exercise to pull out any THC stored in your fat. The second week you have to keep drinking water but switch to also consuming more fatty foods and stop exercising so you're not releasing any more from stored fats. \n\u00a0B vitamins\u2014it\u2019s important to take a B-complex vitamin the day of because with the extreme amount of water consumed, your urine will look dilute. A multivitamin looks very neon when peed out but the B-complex gives just the right yellow hue of a natural healthy urine. \n\u00a0And that's my secret to success, it\u2019s been 100 percent successful!\u201d - Anon\n\nTHOROUGHLY CLEANSE YOUR BODY\nAbstinence from medicating is the most effective way to pass a drug test. You might be saying, \u201cWell no kidding,\u201d with an epic eye-roll but it\u2019s true. Unfortunately, because of the misconceptions about the \u201cdangers\u201d of a plant in the current anti-marijuana administration there is still a need for this conversation.\n\nSo, once you have begun to sustain from medicating increase your fluid intake. Preferably water but cranberry juice and any of the other (safe) fluids that were suggested during our outreach will suffice. In some cases, if the sample is too clear the testing facility will ask that you retake the test or reject the sample. Taking large doses (50-100mgs) of B-2 that can be found in B-complex vitamins will help to color your urine (and are also known to increase energy, enhance mood, improve memory, boost skin and hair health and stimulate the immune system\u2014another huge plus).\n\nA healthy diet and exercise along with increased fluid intake and refraining from using cannabis is the only surefire way to make sure you test clean. Nobody\u2019s body reacts the same to marijuana use. Potency, how often used, body fat, weight and metabolism are all factors.\n\nWe hope that this was both informative and entertaining but most importantly we hope, (as we are sure you do too if you\u2019re reading this now) that soon, we will no longer need to have this conversation.\n\n*Shop around. These products are becoming more and more sophisticated and easy to use.