Sex On The Road
“I’m teaching a class in the Bay area and I want you to come with me for the weekend,” my lover, B, said in a text to me a couple months ago. I did some mental math—leaving from San Diego would give us between 7 and 8 hours in the car together each way, not counting stops for food and gas. Plus, we’d be up there for three full days. I was intrigued. “Let’s do it!” I said excitedly.
What’s especially awesome about this opportunity is that in the almost ten years I’ve been doing sex education, I’ve never had a partner who also taught classes before. There is a joy that I get when I teach workshops that almost feels like a high. Watching the eyes of the attendees and seeing “aha!” moments happen for them—there’s nothing quite like it. It’s something that other educators understand, and talk about at length, but it’s not something I’ve ever been able to share with a lover. While this workshop was his second time teaching the material, it was the first time he was doing it for paying attendees. For an educator, teaching your first paid class is a big deal—not that it’s about the money. How much you make is less relevant than the fact that people are willing to pay to learn from you at all. Therefore, the idea that B wanted me to come up and be there for his big moment felt marvelous. Plus, it gave us a chance to geek out over his class material and for me to share insights that I’ve gleaned in my years of facilitating workshops. And do you know what happens when I get to have brain sex with my lovers? It tends to lead to really hot embodied sex. But we’ll get to that in a minute. Before the sex comes the road trip.
There’s no way of knowing in advance if your partner is a good road trip buddy. Will you enjoy the same music? Do you like the same snacks? What do you talk about for that many hours?
We left San Diego on Thursday night, and decided to stop in Bakersfield to sleep rather than make the entire drive at once and arrive sleep deprived at 4a.m. I found a hotel room for us and we checked in around 11p.m. “I want to get baked,” B informed me. “Baked in Bakersfield?” I giggled. Luckily, I’d brought supplies. Two 25mg Kushy Punch squares, and a gram each of Candy Jack from La Brea Compassionate Caregivers and Cherry AK from SPARC. We settled on edibles and each took half of the Kushy Punch 25mg square (saving the other half for later in the weekend). Then I did eight sprays of Foria, just to make everything extra awesome. Within 30 minutes I was feeling buzzed and euphoric, and all of my tactile sensations were heightened. Many hours later we collapsed, satisfied, into a heap.
The next morning (our first full day of the road trip) took us to Santa Cruz to meet one of his other lovers and we had a delightful afternoon together. We did lunch, went to the beach and I even went in the ocean up to my knees. Then we bid her farewell and continued on our way to San Jose, where he’d booked us a hotel room. Another night of sexy fun times ensued, with him taking plenty of time to make me feel amazing.
Quick PSA about sex: first of all, “sex” does not have to mean actually boning. Take the focus away from the heteronormative penis-in-vagina model. You might use fingers, toys, not touch genitals at all, make out and grind your bodies together, or just hold hands and move energy, and all of that still counts. Second, take your time. Quickies are fun, but actually devoting a few hours (yes, hours) to lovemaking can bring your experience to a whole new level.
We went to his class the next afternoon and he rocked it! We celebrated with burgers and truffle fries afterward, and headed back to our hotel in San Jose for a much needed nap. When we were sufficiently rested, we smoked a bowl and continued in our erotic explorations. Around 2a.m. we finally reached the limits of our bodies and fell asleep. The next morning we had an epic breakfast at Hobee’s (parmesan chicken pesto over hash browns is all I have to say) before heading to the place I’d been excited to visit the whole trip—Harborside Health Center. It did not disappoint. All I wanted in the world was to get a tin of Hepburns and the budtender managed to find one for me even though he thought they’d sold out! If you’re unfamiliar, they’re these fantastic artisanal pre-rolls mixed with ice water hash. So good.
Leaving San Jose to head home, I wondered momentarily if we’d run out of things to talk about after spending so much time together over the previous days. I was clearly worried for nothing, because I had a stroke of genius: we could answer the “36 questions that lead to love.” If you choose to do this with a partner, make sure you have plenty of time. It took us all of 6 hours to get through the questions. I loved him before, but I definitely felt closer to him afterward, and like I really understood more of what makes him tick. Definitely a valuable tool for any relationship, even friendship.
Long road trips can be a great indicator of relationship compatibility. If you can be in a car with each other for that long and not want to run screaming in the other direction by the end of it, you’re probably in pretty good shape. The only thing missing from this one was a road trip playlist, but hey, there’s always next time. Thanks for a great weekend, B.