San Diego Cannabis Farmers Market
You never know who you’ll meet at a “Free Sex Advice” booth.
Last week, I had the distinct pleasure of co-hosting a booth with Cara Luhring of Femme Nuri at the San Diego Cannabis Farmers Market: Nightfire Edition. We arrived early to set up our booth, half Femme Nuri info and giveaways, and half CannaSexual stuff: my stuffed vulva puppet, an anatomically correct silicone dildo, a crocheted uterus, plenty of free condoms and lube, and a sign advertising free sex advice. We were ready.
Folks stopped by with a variety of reactions. Some claimed that they definitely did not need sex or relationship advice, “Thank you very much.” I just nod and smile when that happens. We live in a pretty hypocritical culture where it’s simultaneously not acceptable to be great at sex (because of slut shaming), but also not okay to admit that you could use some instruction or tips to have better sex. Others didn’t even acknowledge the sex advice sign, choosing instead to grab the dildo right off the table and wave it around at their friends. Still no judgment from me. People react all sorts of ways when they feel awkward, and making a joke out of it can take some of the pressure away. A few were actually willing to ask questions, and I had great chats about queer sex and communication and types of lube. I gave away about half of my condoms and all of my lube samples, which made me happy. A few people asked if the condoms were medicated and I had to explain that medicated condoms are not a real thing.
At one point, I got to chat with a lovely woman about vaporizers. Turns out, she is a fellow sex educator and despite each of our pretty expansive networks, we’d never crossed paths before. It turned out we had something unexpected in common—she used to be lovers with my lover B. Random, right? The number of things that had to happen, in order, for me to meet this person at the Cannabis Farmers Market…it felt synchronistic. Instead of getting awkward—which I imagine some people might feel if they come face to face with a current lover’s former lover—I was elated. I quickly pulled out my phone and sent B a voice message telling him that I’d met her, and even had her say hello on the message. He told me that made him smile. Part of what I love about being non-monogamous is experiencing the phenomenon of compersion. Compersion is the opposite of jealousy, where you feel joy at witnessing someone you love experiencing joy with another person. I could have gotten jealous and insecure about it. By my estimation, she is a lot prettier than I am, so what if he liked her more than he likes me? But instead of going down that road of insecurity, I opted to find glee in meeting someone who understands just how awesome my lover B is! She knows from experience! Compersion is something that took me a long time to cultivate, but now that it’s more of a default for me, I feel like I am happier in my relationships and life in general. In some ways, I wish that someone had come up with a question about jealousy while she was sitting there, so we could have shared that story. There’s so much more I want to say about compersion, but I may need to make that its own post.
I hope to see you at the next San Diego Cannabis Farmers Market. It’s a blast, and you never know who you’ll meet there!