Game of Thrones and the NFL Draft
Following perhaps the DUMBEST episode in “Game of Thrones” history (Season 7, Episode 6, “Beyond the Wall”). I felt profound sadness. And I had a plethora of questions.
Why would the Snowceans 7 crew go beyond the Wall for a suicide mission that needlessly ended with a dragon dying? Why did the “GoT” Showrunners decide to ruin Arya? HOW IS LITTLEFINGER STILL ALIVE**? Why doesn’t Tormund get his own spinoff following the lives of he, Brienne of Tarth and their adorable monster-warrior ginger babies? Where did Daenerys Targaryen get that dope winter sweater?
But the most important question has to be, could the Night King start in the NFL?
In a league littered with shitty QBs* such as Blake Bortles, Blaine Gabbert and Mike Bercovici—yes, those are real people—all I needed to see were two throws to confirm my suspicions. After studying his tape, aka re-watching the scene while trying to avoid crying like a baby like I’m watching the movie Click again, I have a full scouting report breaking down the Night King’s strengths and weaknesses.
*By the way, Colin Kaepernick still doesn’t have a job.
**Question answered in Episode 7
NIGHT KING STRENGTHS:
The Night King clearly has a laser, rocket arm. Not only does the evil incarnate toss his ice javelin spear what looks to be hundreds of yards but he also leads his receiver (Viserion) to the catch. And by catch, I mean he hits our beloved dragon right in the neck. Viserion didn’t even see it coming, now that’s arm strength. You’ve got to keep your head on a swivel or you’ll become an ice dragon in this deadly game (of thrones).
I’d like to see the Night King improve on his touch, but talent evaluators drool over that kind of arm talent.
Arm strength means nothing if you don’t have the mechanics to get the ball (spear) where it needs to go. The Night King shows masterful mechanics by using his left arm to telegraph his intended target but the pass gets there. No wasted motion from the ole Night King. He telegraphs where the pass is going, sure, but I’d like to see a defense try to intercept one of his passes.
Durability is a huge factor for QBs. If you can’t stay on the field, then you’re destined to be the next RGIII. But there’s no need to worry about the Night King’s injury risk.
The dude can take a hit, mainly because the only thing that can hurt him is Valyrian steel. And even a pass rusher such as Von Miller doesn’t carry Valyrian steel with him—potentially a major violation of NFL rules. Your move, Tom Brady.
NIGHT KING WEAKNESSES:
In the NFL, accuracy is one of the most important aspects a QB can possess. If you can’t complete passes, then you don’t deserve to be on the field.
The Night King’s first pass was immaculate. If this was a skills competition, then he would’ve hit the bullseye. However, his second throw left a lot to be desired.
This isn’t a rookie that we’re talking about here. The Night King has been around for centuries. If he hasn’t learned by now, then he’ll never be an accurate passer. Fifty percent just won’t get it done in Westeros.
This one had me dumbfounded. The Night King has Drogon—with Dany and the rest of Snowceans 7 in tow—in his crosshairs, but he inexplicably decided to go to his second read, the much smaller Viserion. That’s just poor decision making on his part.
Viserion, thanks to Dany’s mismanagement and lack of development of her babies, is clearly the weakest of the dragons. Not only that, but Drogon was stationary. He’s a much bigger (and easier) target to hit. That’s a Bortles-like decision, folks.
Granted it was a great throw, but it was still a poor decision by the Night King. How do we know that he’s not the Brett Favre of White Walkers? The Night King might just be the Night Gunslinger, which is a pretty dope nickname.
Sense of Urgency / Clutch Factor
Now I know that the White Walkers like to go at their own pace. Somehow, after nearly seven seasons they are just about to get to the Wall, while Gendry can sprint back there in about 20 minutes. But the Night King displays an alarming lack of urgency. He was eerily reminiscent of Donovan McNabb in Super Bowl XXXIX.
After downing Viserion, why wouldn’t the Night King speed up his process and toss some ice spears at the remaining dragons? He could’ve ended this war real quick. But I guess that’s why there’ll be a Season 8.
That also hurts his clutch gene. Brady—if you haven’t heard—famously came back from 28-3 in the Super Bowl. Now, that’s clutch. The Night King had a chance to turn the Long Night into a pretty short one. Instead, he took the easy way out by going for the five-yard completion rather than the wide-open touchdown down the seam.
Every QB in the NFL, even the great ones, need a strong supporting cast. And it doesn’t get much better than the Wights. They’ve proven to be a solid frontline. If the Wights were an offensive line, they’d rank among the elites in the NFL right behind the Cowboys’ OL. But they surely would be flagged for having too many men on the field.
Despite his glaring weaknesses, the Night King could surely start at least a game in the NFL. I mean, he’s better than anything the Jets or 49ers are throwing out there.
Plus, if he’s really awful, all he has to do is turn everyone on the field into a White Walker. But that’s no fun, that’d be worse than watching the Patriots dominate the NFL for the past two-plus decades. Oh wait…