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COULD ARIAN FOSTER DEFEAT A WOLF…HIGH?: He does get hurt a lot…

COULD ARIAN FOSTER DEFEAT A WOLF...HIGH?: He does get hurt a lot...

Stop the presses, and let’s get to the bottom of this.

It’s not often a retired running back makes headlines, but Arian Foster did just that by going viral when he went on a fascinating Twitter rant, highlighted by his declaration that he could defeat a wolf in a fist (paw?) fight.

This sparked an incredible Twitter debate about whether a human—even one as incredibly athletic as Foster—can defeat a vicious wolf.

At first thought, I immediately sided with the former NFL rushing leader. It felt like a no-brainer. Foster has a massive weight advantage, even if the vegan has lost significant weight since retiring. And he could probably just punch or dropkick a wolf, knocking it out. If it’s human against animal, I’m gonna stay loyal to the human race. Aaron Rodgers agrees with me.

Foster made some incredible points, too.

I started to ponder another question: could Foster defeat a wolf…if he was high?

Now that he’s retired, Foster doesn’t have to deal with the NFL’s archaic drug-testing policies. And even when he’s high, Foster would still have a huge weight advantage and immensely-valuable opposable thumbs, while a presumably sober wolf does not possess said appendages.

Advantage: Foster.

Or so it seemed.

After this ridiculous debate turned viral, the International Wolf Center, which is definitely not a made-up center, released a statement amid the chaos.

The wolf experts—if that’s a thing—expressed how incredibly idiotic the idea of Foster defeating a savage wolf really is:

“Weighing in at 230 pounds, Arian certainly would have the wolf beat in size. But that may not be to his advantage. North American grey wolves typically weigh a lot less (65-130 pounds), and it is common that they are significantly smaller than their prey. That said, an experienced wolf can kill a half-ton bison or musk ox all by itself, although in the wild wolves more typically hunt as [a] pack.”

The IWC confirmed that “wolves do not have thumbs,” but added, “nor do they need them.”

Well, shit.

It appears an incredible human athlete cannot take down a wolf, unless they are Liam Neeson in The Grey.

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